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Box 101

Better in Bed

You can't go wrong copulating with a CrossFitter. Here's how constantly varied, high-intensity functional movements heat up the bedroom.


You want a varied, intense and functional workout? You could get geared up and head out to your CrossFit box … or you could strip it all off and head to the bedroom with your honey. Yes, CrossFitters make the perfect passionate bedroom partners. We specialize in not specializing, so pick your pleasure, and we will eagerly give it a go. 

It all begins with our willingness to warm up. Every CrossFit athlete recognizes the need for a good warm-up. We take the time necessary to elevate our heart rates and leave our limbs prepped for performance. But what happens once a duo (or trio, if you’re into that) is ready to rock and roll? Doesn’t matter, cause we can do it all — for the following reasons.

Speed and Stamina

Give us a grinder or bring us a burner; regardless, a CrossFitter will step up to the challenge. Meet a man in need of some marathon romping? No problem. Your endurance and will to forge on is enough to make any mate melt. Is your wife a cutie in need of a quickie? That’s cool, too, because even if her name is “Fran,” there’s no doubt you can get her done in record speed. We can pace out our performance or go balls out (because balls in could be weird). Pushing to our limits regardless of distance, weight or time is what we do best.

Strength and Mobility

Sometimes, you just want to try something funky. The “creeping caterpillar,” for example, might require your partner to remain in push-up position while you bend over backward. (Please do not try this at home — I made it up.) Luckily, a little Kama Sutra doesn’t scare a CrossFitter. A handstand and Downward Dog in one session? Of course we can. A front buddy carry in the shower? We’ll just chalk up and get after it. Whether there’s some physical strength or a little flexibility required, we have it covered. We may not be bodybuilders or acrobats, but we can muster the best of both worlds to rock yours.

Technique and Terminology

To safely and successfully CrossFit, we must master technique and terminology. To seductively and sensually put out, we also must master technique and terminology. Cleaning and jerking are just the basics, but you can rest assured that a CrossFitter will practice until perfect. Our snatches are elegant and our rig is rough. We know that midthrust is a bad time to talk, and we accept that the leaders in the room may give us physical cues as means of instruction. And there’s no denying our appreciation for all forms of expression: profane music, grunting, tall-sock-wearing, panting — it’s all beautiful. We are masters of movements and vixens of verbiage.

The Need to Succeed

Most important, CrossFitters refuse to fail. We finish everything we start, and no WOD is too overwhelming. CrossFitters tend to develop the need to travel down a path of personal progress. Personal bests are a priority in the box and the bed. And anything we can’t get quite right, we work at until our skills are up to par. Satisfaction, guaranteed.